It Takes a Village - An Old-Fashioned One

Source: Playborhood Blog by Mike Lanza
Posted: 01/06/11 12:57 PM

I agree with Hillary Clinton that It Takes a Village to raise a child. I just don’t agree with her on what kind of village it takes.

In her bestselling book of that name, Clinton finds the original notion of a village to be quaint and outdated. She writes, “The village can no longer be defined as a place on the map.” Instead, “it is the network of values and relationships that support and affect our lives.” Many other writers agree with her that a village isn’t physically delimited. Even fifty years ago, communications theorist Marshall McLuhan coined the term “global village” to argue that mass communications technology had created a single, global culture.

The problem with this modern definition of a village for children is that they can’t use most of the technologies that adults routinely use to extend a village beyond a small local area. They can’t drive cars on their own until they reach the age of 16, and they can’t interact with others using interactive communications technologies like mobile phone texting until sometime in the elementary or middle school years. So, for children, this modern village concept would force them to depend on the the intervention of parents.


As I’ve argued repeatedly here on Playborhood.com, children have a deep need to experience things on their own. The more rich is the physical (not virtual) domain that children can access on their own, on foot, the better.

So, I strongly believe that it takes a village - i.e. an old-fashioned, tight-knit neighborhood - to raise a child. Not some “network of values and relationships.” Not a “global village.” This village is a place where children can wander safely on their own, where they have many meaningful relationships with people - children and adults - outside of their families.
Because children need parenting help when they’re outside our homes, our kids need other kids’ parents to step up and be surrogate parents to our kids when we’re not there. And, we need to do it for those parents’ kids.

We need to feed each other’s kids, soothe them when they get hurt, protect them from danger, and be a resource when they need something. If we parents in a neighborhood (or our surrogates - i.e. babysitters or nannies) join together and do these things for each other’s kids, our kids will feel comfortable wandering up and down the block on their own. We’ll be comfortable letting them do it, too.

Sociologist William Julius Wilson coined the term “reciprocal guardian behavior” back in the 1980s to describe the phenomenon of adults caring for children who aren’t their own in urban poor neighborhoods. Lyman Place in the South Bronx is an excellent example of such a neighborhood. Wilson thought this behavior was a key to making these neighborhoods safe, so that kids could feel comfortable going outside to play.

It’s clear to me that the benefits of reciprocal guardian behavior extend to all social classes. It’s about more than just safety - fundamentally, it’s about creating the conditions for a life of independent play in the neighborhood.

We parents can help make our neighborhoods into villages by spending time in our neighborhoods, socializing with other parents and encouraging our kids to play with neighbor kids. Playborhood.com is full of suggestions on how to make this happen.

Have you invested significant time in making your neighborhood into a village? Or, do you fill up all your kids’ free time driving them to activities outside your neighborhood?

Halloween for Kids in Your Neighborhood

Source: Mike Lanza, Playborhood

My neighborhood is either the Disneyland of Halloween or the Ivy League of Halloween for our area (our streets are called Yale, Princeton, Harvard, etc.!). I strongly prefer the latter. I should explain.

We have a reputation for being so fun on Halloween that lots and lots of trick-or-treaters come by who would never pass by our house the rest of the year. We handed out a few hundred treats last night, and we would have handed out a few hundred more if we hadn’t shut down at 8pm.

You “Halloween Tourists” know who you are. Well, I have a message for you:

First, I welcome you, provided you’re respectful to our neighborhood, and provided there aren’t too many of you. Last night was fine on both counts. Thanks for sharing in the joy of our neighborhood.

Halloween is the most outstanding indicator of the quality of life our neighborhood offers our children. Your attendance in our neighborhood last night helps us appreciate what a truly great neighborhood we’ve built with our neighbors.

We don’t charge you admission, nor do we attempt to screen you in any way. However, I’d like to ask you to ask yourselves some hard questions, now that that wonderful night you had in my neighborhood is behind you.

1.Why isn’t your neighborhood sufficiently interesting for you to spend Halloween night there?

2.Why aren’t you working with your neighbors to make Halloween in your neighborhood better for your kids?

3.Do you consider your visit to our neighborhood last night mere Disneyland-like entertainment for you and your kids, or do you consider it to be a learning experience that will help you make your neighborhood and its Halloween better?

4.If you feel like your neighborhood does not have the potential to be a great place for your kids on Halloween night, as well as the rest of the year, do you think you will make this your highest priority the next time you move? If not, why not?

I sincerely hope you came here because you want to learn, not because you want to be entertained. I want our neighborhood to be your Ivy League of Halloween, not your Disneyland.

I want you to soak up everything you can about why our neighborhood works for kids, and then I want you to go home and make your neighborhood better. I want you to spend next Halloween at home with your neighbors, making it a better place for kids.

Or, if you conclude that your neighborhood can never be a great place for kids, I want you to make the huge decision to move. In your new home search, I want you to make quality of neighborhood life for kids your top priority, above the quality or size of the home itself. Then, once you find that home, buy or rent it, and move in, I want you to join with your new neighbors to make it the best place possible for your kids.

If you do one of these two things, you’ll be taking important steps toward making your kids’ lives better. That will make our work in our neighborhood, on Halloween and all year round, far more fulfilling than it already is. And we won’t miss you next year. Really…